just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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