just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
