he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
