Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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