There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
