Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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