My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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