I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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