is your mom at the bar?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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