Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
