We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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