Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
