You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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