Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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