Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
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You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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