It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
