my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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