Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
