i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
