so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
