she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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