Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
