Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
