Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
