wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
