I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
