I just made out with a guy for $7.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
