Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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