Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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