dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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