I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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