will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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