Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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