so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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