When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
