So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
