FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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