YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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