you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
