Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
