I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
