why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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