TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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