he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
