I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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