i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
