Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
