Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
