GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
