We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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