I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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