I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
