plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
