we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
