They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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