Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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