i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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