it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
