well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
