onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize