The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
