So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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