I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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