where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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