I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
